so liz taylor is dead. i found that out this morning when i logged into my most potent addiction, facebook upon getting to my desk at work. i, like many of my peers who were early college students when facebook burst on the scene have what is probably an unhealthy addiction to the site. i read something recently that most people in my age group get most of their news from facebook and that facebook is the first site that they check in the morning. it's definitely the first website i go to in the morning but my email comes to my phone so i don't have to go anywhere to see it. technically i read my email first if i have any. so upon sitting at my desk and scanning through updates, i notice my newsfeed was dominated with "rip liz taylor" messages. i have a lot of gay friends so a lot of the statuses were a lot more dramatic than that. seriously. it was too much for 9:30am. it seemed that the only other thing on my newsfeed was about the very sad news that detroit's population has shrunk to the smallest the city has been since 1910. of course, i then had to read all the free press articles about this very sad topic. sorry liz, while your life was pretty incredible, the sadness of your passing has been trumped by slow death of the city of detroit and the continued damage governor nerd is doing to the state with his wrecking ball method of "fixing" the state.
this morning, i sent one of these rather depressing stories about detroit to my dear friend jayme who returned by sending me an article about mom's who are obsessed with posting crap about their kids on facebook. this sent me into a tangent about the myriad of ways that people suck at facebook. so now for your reading pleasure i provide you this: a list of things people need to stop doing on facebook (the sooner the better, really.)
1. posting ultrasound pictures. mom's to be, listen. i get it. you are super excited and it must be really amazing to be able to see the baby growing inside of you. however, it actually is just gross for those of us who just happen to be your facebook friends. i don't want to see into you no more than i want to see an x-ray of someone who just broke their arm. as cranky as i am, i don't care about belly pictures, honestly. a few, not like one every day. that's absurd. but no pictures of delivering your baby. please. it might be a miracle to you but to me it's just sick. let's make a deal. don't post pictures of your insides on facebook. just quit it.
2. incessant posting of baby/kid pictures. i'm friends with you, not your kid. there is a damn good reason that you have to be at least 13 to be on facebook. if i knew that being your friend meant that i would need to constantly see updates about your burping, vomiting, drooling, cooing center of your universe, i would have seriously reconsidered adding you. god bless the hide feature. i have taken almost every single friend i have that is a mother and hidden them. sorry but i can't take the updates about diaper rash or colic. as far as i'm concerned, the only thing you are good at here is birth control. i have never wanted a child less after having to see so much of it all over facebook.
3. posting statuses with extra letters and/or the word "bestie". never post a status like this: "ommmmmmmmmmmgggggg so exciteddd for the weekendddddd with my bestiessssssss!!!" seriously you just look illiterate and no one is that excited about anything. please calm down.
4. posting statuses to "end breast cancer". posting statuses about your bra color or where you leave your purse is actually doing nothing to beat breast cancer. just like changing your picture to a cartoon is doing nothing to stop child abuse. if you want to put an end to these things, give money to a local cancer foundation that is doing research or facility that helps abused children. if the goal is to just annoy a population on facebook, like the bra color thing to not tell all the men on facebook and leave them confused, now that's funny. if that's the stated goal, count me in.
5. posting pictures of food that you are eating/made. seriously, you are going to look through your album later and be like, why did i take a picture of this sandwich?
6. posting statuses about glee. i post quotes from tv shows from time to time, like if they are funny or something but that is the extent of it. i have no reason to make it known to the world what i'm watching at 8pm on tuesdays. but all the "gleeks" do. if i never saw another word or phrase that was morphed to suit glee (i.e. gleepeat or glee my god) it would be too soon. it's a tv show and definitely not the best thing that has ever happened to tv. i do understand that this show does do some good stuff but its "gleeks" have made it so that i never want to watch an episode.
i hope that people might take into consideration this offer for some facebook etiquette. i think it is something we are sorely missing these days. remember, if you wouldn't scream it in a crowded room, don't post it on facebook. also remember, once it's posted online, it's there forever. neighborhood friendly reminders from a cranky, relative internet stranger.
from the girl who is itching for spring to lift her mood.
until next time...
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