it is getting mighty dark out side. i'm half expecting we are about to get tossed into oz.

i had a rant earlier this year about my distaste for hipsters and last night i found myself in a bar that suddenly became swarming with hipsters. this lead me to think a few things. first i clearly need to limit the amount of time i spend in ferndale, which isn't that much to begin with but this was a disproportionate amount of hipsters given that the bar we were at is usually empty. i fear that the hipsters have found this to be ironic and now plan on showing up to pollute the otherwise fun karaoke with their renditions of songs they don't know the words to. second, i wish there were hipster free zones. i would probably pay a little bit more, like a cover or something, to get into a bar that i knew would be free of such distracting nonsense. in the same way that i would pay extra to fly on a plane with no children. it really is the small things in life that make me smile. and finally, i think i found another primary issue that i have with hipsters in general. when it comes to the bar scene, hipsters have a lot in common with bachelorette parties. they are weirdly dressed with random accessories (veils and sashes are pretty much equal to bowler hats and suspenders to me), in a place they usually aren't for some kind of rare entertainment value and everything they do is to get attention from the other bar patrons. for example, bachelorette parties can't help but scream in a pitch that shouldn't be made by any human "omgggggggggggggg you're getting married. woooooo!!!!!" which of course, gets the attention of everyone else in the bar. bleeding ears have a way of doing that. at least there is something to say for hipsters; they don't say it out loud. rather they dance by flailing their arms about, shimmying around and jumping up and down. they actually look like someone with parkinson's disease having an attack. their motions are obscure and look particularly painful, what with the tight teal blue jeans, suspenders and ill-fitting tshirt.

this tangent about hipsters wasn't really what i was looking to talk about today. but i had that opportunity from last night and it felt good to write that rant down. earlier this weekend, i think a bit of my heart unfroze. i went to walk in a parade on saturday morning for my friend sam's boss and her coworker was there with both of his children. he has two boys age 2 and seven months. i'm not usually known to be hanging around kids though i do like them generally, like when they aren't being little shits who have never been disciplined by their parents a day in their lives. that's something to be said for sam's coworker, he is a good dad. these kids were so well behaved and they were actually fun to play with. those are the kinds of kids i need to spend time with. not the kinds that stick cell phones in their mouths, throw things on the floor and whine all through out meals. saturday evening, i was out with some friends and one who was quite drunk stumbled into a conversation asking if we thought we might be able to deal with children right now if we had to do it. in her brilliant drunk moment, she said that she thinks she would be able to do it but she didn't want to before she has kids next year; she doesn't want to be fat for her wedding. this was also the same woman that lost her fiance at the end of the evening and lead us wandering around looking for her so we could all go home. it's probably best that she doesn't have a child to have to consider caring for at this point.

so this got me thinking, if i had to have a kid right now, like i got stuck with a kid right now for some reason, would i be able to do it? i asked my friend jayme what she thought she would be like and she said that she would probably freak out at first then she would probably fare pretty well. i said to her that i would probably freak out in the beginning too, if by "in the beginning" she meant the first two years of the kid's life. the thing is, i know i'm more responsible than i give myself credit for. i'm the one who has always made sure everyone else was taken care of and have been told on multiple occasions that i am the most responsible person at making bad decisions that people know. i assume it's because when i was a teenager i was looking to do the stupid things that teenagers do but i didn't want to get caught and feel the wrath of my mother. it made me a very creative thinker, thanks mom. i doubt that's what she thought would come from her strictness in my childhood but here we are.

could i do it if i had to? i think i probably could, i just wouldn't like having to do it. not now. i'm definitely still too selfish for children. i like going out on wednesday nights and singing karaoke til 2am then struggling to make it to work on time thursday mornings. i like wearing a tiara on my birthday (which for the record is different than a sash, veil, stupid hat or any hipster accessories. you only turn an age once so it should be celebrated. you could theoretically be a bachelorette more than once.) i like spending lazy sunday mornings sleeping in til noon then leisurely doing whatever strikes my fancy. i like spending my money on dresses and other things that amuse me. i don't like the idea of spending money on diapers, saving for braces, college and all those other costs that come with babies. i like vacation too much for that. i like my freedom too much for that. though those little kid outfits are so cute, like the little onesies that declare an infant's support of michigan state university. that kind of stuff i understand.

maybe in a few years i'll be in a place where i want kids but honestly, i've always been of the mindset that i wouldn't have kids until i was in my 30s anyway. just to be as stable as i can possibly be before bringing someone else into this world to mess up their chances. it's time to wrap up my day here and do some thinking about a phone call i just got. nothing like messing up a day by thinking too much about nonsense.

from the girl who got super excited about finding the west wing online just now.

until next time...