Thursday, February 24, 2011

hippies don't use splenda.

i drink lots of coffee. probably an alarming amount really. my friend matt recently told me that he missed me because no one drinks enough coffee where he is (which is the town i used to live in during college.) it's kind of something i'm notorious for. on a rare occasion, i find myself wanting a cup of tea and sometimes, as kind of a treat, i like to make a cup of regular black tea with a splenda and some milk. i remember my mom suggesting this to me once when i was in a particularly crappy mood and not feeling well in college and it seemed to remedy my mood. a couple months ago at work, i thought that i might make myself a cup of tea instead of banging my head in the wall from frustration or making another pot of coffee that i would feel obligated to drink. i was reminded of something very important when i got to the kitchen and had my tea all ready: hippies don't use splenda and i work in an office of hippies (more or less anyway.) it was a really disappointing moment. on the brightside though, when rummaging through cabinets last week for something else (band-aids) i found a box of splenda. i have it conveniently stashed in my desk now and that tid bit of knowledge makes me smile as i currently sip my sweet tea treat.

so i like singing karaoke. i've been going nearly every wednesday since early 2009 to a local bar to sing with some new friends that i've made. i suppose "friend" probably isn't the best word to use. "bar friend." i think that's better. it's not that they aren't nice people but i have no real interest in seeing them outside of the bar setting. we're friends on facebook and on wednesday nights, perhaps an occasional weekend evening but that's about it. maybe some day this will change but i doubt it. i'll remain open to the possibility though. anyway, one such friend realized last night that i have quite a vast amount of gay friends and through a couple shots and moaning about aging and being alone, he made a suggestion. he apparently has lots of straight (male) friends and as i have what he desires, he has suggested that he might try to set me up with one of his friends. i suppose this is to get me to do the same thing. that really wasn't made clear last night. he asked me what my type was and i thought about it for a minute. i don't really think i'm that specific but i have been told on countless occasions that i have impossibly high standards for all humans. i said the first thing that came to mind "nerdy white guy." within the next five minutes, i added on a few more qualifiers: taller than me, educated, democrat, open minded and employed. my friend laughed upon realizing that i was more specific than i might have initially let on. i could have kept going. and thinking about it now, i feel like i probably should have said something like "hipsters need not apply." i suppose i'll cross that bridge if it manifests.

i was thinking about this earlier, this whole idea of types. i think everyone has one, whether they are willing to admit it or not. we all have a type of person, if given the ability to create someone to spend the rest of our lives with, we would know exactly how to make them. without getting weird and into some tangent about some bizarre science fictiony type stuff, i'll move on (but really, think about how cool it would be. like stepford wives but less creepy.) i was wondering when types stopped mattering or started to receive less consideration. i think that is the intersection of desperation and reality, probably. when optimism gives out. but i don't think that point ever really has to come. i think it's a choice. i think that there are far too few people who are just blatantly honest with themselves. for instance, my friend jen was telling me not too long ago that she was frustrated with a relationship issue because if she's not happy, how is anyone in the relationship going to be happy? she was clear that she needed to focus on herself before she could focus on anyone else. ah, such refreshing candor. that's the kind of stuff that we are supposed to do, rather than taking a backseat in our own lives but few of us are actually as open about because we fear looking selfish. i applaud jen for this.

this is what i think, be realistic about the kind of person you are probably going to be with. life is neither a disney movie nor a nicholas sparks novel so take that into consideration when you day dream about your perfect mate. no matter what you do, prince eric is not waiting for you. but have some standards. don't just settle for whatever idiot that pays attention just because he's the idiot that pays attention. it's just a thought. figuring it out when you are in your 20s and unmarried seems like a better time to do it than to end up divorced and trying to figure out these lessons when you are in your 40s. i think anyway. i have no evidence to the contrary. but i hear divorce is expensive and if it's worse than just a break up, then shit. it sounds pretty awful. unsolicited, i know, but those are my two cents.

from the girl who likes dearblankpleaseblank.com a little too much.

until next time...

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

born this way.

i, like many in the world, am a lady gaga fan. i think that she is an excellent performer and yes, could be the next madonna. i feel like she has staying power. even though she says "orient" (which is kind of a slur) in her most recent single, i find the song wonderful and i'm glad she has essentially created an anthem for loving yourself no matter who you are. well done lady gaga. hopefully this tune will get stuck in people's heads like it has in mind for days and the message will sink in.

i am quite fond of the idea of themes. i blame this on having a virgo mother. quite frankly, i am happier when there are rules in place that i can either decide to obey or defy. for some time, i've been trying to think of a theme for this blog and the only thing consistent i've managed is to complain. well, rant actually but rant is really just a nicer (or funnier) way of saying complain. i tend to do this a lot in my daily life. i was just telling a friend that i am always impressed when someone says "i can't complain." i stare at them befuddled for a moment and think "what's wrong with you? i can always find something to complain about." it seems fair to assume that in this case, i'm the one that has something wrong with them. that aside, i find myself thinking about relationships a lot and the myriad of things that go along with being a 20something. quite frankly, i find it to be a little bizarre that it is socially acceptable for strangers to feel as though they have a right to know about my relationship status because of my age. i get it. it's a thing, an age appropriate thing: i should want to be in a relationship, i should want to have kids and so on and so on. while i'm not entirely wild about being single, i don't think that means there is something wrong with me. in fact, i think i'm pretty good at being single. i believe this because my friends in relationships tend to come to me for advice and because unlike other single girls i know, i don't need to make it a corner stone of who i am in a depressing, woe is me, find me a husband kind of way. it's probably because the growing bitterness suits me. i suppose only time will tell with this.

now there is no manual or instruction guide for how to be a single girl. liberally speaking there is a "help" feature which comes by way of girlfriends and alcohol, who like any microsoft office program, offer answers to the most frequently asked questions vaguely, as if threatening to be helpful. don't get me wrong, i appreciate my girlfriends for the insights that they bring to my life and my various issues but sometimes you need more of a google search feature on life. (i am of the mind set that there are very few things in the world you can't solve by googling it.) not that i'm such a genius at life, human interactions or anything like that, but i think it would if nothing else be a little amusing for me to write down a sort of guide, for my fellow single ladies. i'm not entirely certain if this will be insightful or anything more than a stranger offering answers to life's faq's but i'm going to give it a try anyway. because remember, i like a theme and this is way less obnoxious than an 80s themed party (though probably not as fun.)

i stumbled upon this idea to write this sort of guide when talking to my friend dave on valentine's day. i fear that i have gotten to a point of singleness where i am not even upset that i had no valentine. to me, it was monday, and not just in the way people say it to make themselves feel better about being single. while i was chatting with dave, a girl came on the radio and announced that she was single on valentine's day, sitting at home alone upset about this fact. i had an outburst. why would you declare this on the radio? by making such an announcement, you are effectively letting everyone listening how lame you feel about your life. that might be true but come on, i don't need to hear it. you are perpetuating the idea that if you are single then you must be sad and lonely. while that might be true for you, it's not for all of us and quite frankly i find it annoying. so do us all a favor, stay off the radio on such occasions where you feel lonely. actually, it seems wise to avoid all public forums (yes, i mean facebook too.) if you wouldn't scream it in a crowded room, don't announce it online or on air. thank you.

perhaps it's about time that i get back to work. i'll try this again a little later. i hope you have enjoyed it.

from the girl who was born lebanese and "orient"

until next time...

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

weekdays lack grit.

i work with a significant number of coffee fiends. i appreciate this about my work place right up until this happens. i part from my desk to do a pace around the first floor and refresh my coffee to find the pot is empty. this happens quite frequently actually. fortunately, the coffee maker is quick and it gives me the chance to again pace around rather than staring into my computer screen for a few moments. i just went to refill my cup while waiting for reports to export (which is taking an inordinate amount of time today) to find the familiar empty pot waiting for me. so i made a new one thinking nothing of it, went back poured myself a mug and found that it is lukewarm. it would appear that one of our lovely and new interns turned the burner off on the coffee maker. (i only blame the intern because she was the last one i saw go in the kitchen and in the seven months i've been here, i've never seen the coffee maker get turned off. i told you, fiends.) now i'm far to lazy to do anything about the current temperature of my coffee so i'm just going to pretend it's fine and enjoy it.

michigan is a tricky mofo. every year, we get this random burst of not shitty weather in february, where things go from frigid and horrible to above freezing with blasts of sunshine. and for anyone who has ever experienced a michigan winter, that first sign of sunlight is like seeing the sunshine for the first time. suddenly your mood is improved and you no longer feel like you need to scream profanities at the guy who just cut you off in traffic. i was telling my friend dave last week (who is from michigan but now resides in california and no longer shares in my plight) that i couldn't remember the last time it was sunny so the two days we had in a row were blowing my mind. in a further attempt to trick my mind into believing that winter is almost over, i have been opening my blinds at work to let the sun in, turning my space heater all the way up and taking off my shoes under my desk. you know, just to pretend that it is nearly summer or something.

i'm almost entirely certain that neither of these things are going to be the topic of my blog today. while i'm at rambling about random thoughts strolling through my mind i suppose i could say something about how excited i am for a dress i bought online yesterday to get delivered but that would just turn into a thing about what i don't like about shopping online (the waiting, for the record. i like the instant gratification of buying something then having it.) so i work in detroit, right and i am not really one of those people who are all about the city. i mean, it's fine, i'd probably like it a lot better if my car wasn't recently broken into or if the building next to my office wasn't broken into last week. but i'm not one of those young people who are obsessed with detroit coming back and being a part of that revolution. i root for detroit's success and support those who have made it their charge but i just can't care as much as others do. sorry detroit but you are a mess. and like other messes in my life, i've often found it's best to let you do your own thing and i'll do my own thing.

for some reason, there has been this charge to build a statue of robocop in the city. yeah. robocop. i'm not entirely certain why but a group of people managed to raise $50,000 in like six days to privately fund the building of this statue. i'm not sure how big it is supposed to be, why this makes sense or what message it's supposed to be conveying but i am pretty sure that it's stupid. the people who raised that money so quickly should consider using their ability and their apparent concern for the city of detroit to do something helpful, like maybe put some of that money into buying new books for the struggling detroit public schools. you know what, probably not. it's probably smarter to build a robot statue. i mean really, nothing says "take detroit seriously" like a statue of a 80s movie robot.

it would seem that i'm ADD today and have a bunch of random things to rant about. my apologies for a lack of focus. it's been a rough week so far so it seems that all i can do is complain.

from the girl who just wants it to be friday evening already.

until next time...


Monday, February 14, 2011

vday is for suckers.

halmark has done a very evil thing to america. while i'm glad for the made up holidays that lead to a paid day off from work, i am always troubled by how easy it is to create bullshit holidays, such as sweetest day. there isn't any kind of false pretense that this holiday exists for any reason beyond getting people to spend money to prove to their significant other that they love them. oh and problem to cause fights, that ultimately end with spending more money, when half of the couple forgets that this made up holiday exists. i am of the mind set that if you are in a relationship with someone, you should probably be able to figure out how to express those feelings on your own without the mandatory feeling that holidays create. and more importantly, it serves as probably an even worse reminder to all single people that they are single. in case there weren't enough reminders in the first place (middle aged prying women, i'm looking at you. just because i'm standing near you in line at starbucks, doesn't make it ok to ask me why i've made it to 26 without committing myself to someone else.) that aside, well done halmark. you have done a truly excellent job at making a crap load of money capitalizing on love and lust.

at the start of writing this blog, i kind of thought that i was going to continue ranting about valentine's day and taking this time to complain generally about being single on such an absurd holiday. then a thought occurred to me. i'm not annoyed about being single today, not any more than i am any other day. truth be told, i like that the pressure isn't on me to have to pretend like i care about today. my ex used to like to make a big deal about valentine's day, anniversaries and the like. he was the romantic part of our relationship and any excuse was a good one in his book. i ultimately felt guilty because i'm pretty bad at faking things and i'm not excessively expressive so i always felt like i was kind of faking it through. anyway, as far as i am concerned, today is monday and the next idiot who posts their facebook status as something about how much their love their significant other, they are getting hidden. i can only be a good sport for so long.

this past weekend was the michigan democratic convention and as if i am not usually hopped up on politics, this was like an injection right into my veins. i always dread going because there is so much hubub, which i don't enjoy but once i'm there i always enjoy myself. i love seeing the friends that i don't get to spend that much time with and chatting (particularly when we are supposed to be listening to a speaker). so there was a lot of rah-rahing going on. trying to rally the dems into believing that we can work together and come back in 2012 from the loses in 2010. fired up and ready to go was the phrase they wanted us to internalize. i'm always excited for what's coming next and the potential that each election brings, if for no other reason than i really like voting. the message was clear on saturday and we all need to remember it. it's not going to be an easy road, but it's up to us to make it. we are democrats, after all. hard work is what we do and that is how we will win.

so on my democratic high, i found myself catching up on the news and things sunday afternoon and read an article about what the "original intent" would look like in regards to the tea party. i was reminded something upon reading that article which quickly lead me to getting really pissed off. michelle bachmann is the ringleader of the tea party idiots and any minority republican really confuses me so for a woman to be in charge of this extreme group is exceptionally unsettling. what i think she fails to realize is that if this country was to return to the days of "freedom" that the tea party spews on about, ms. bachmann would likely just be a wife to some likely abusive man. she wouldn't have the ability to vote or own property, let alone run for office. far be it for logic to be interjected in her opinions. it's probably just my liberal education that has ruined my mind and made me think that the constitution had to be amended several times to be inclusive, and we still have a way to go. meanwhile, congress is talking about taking dangerous steps to roll back women's rights to a time when we couldn't even make such basic decisions as what to do with our own bodies. it is 2011 and there are "leaders" in the US House that would have us go backwards because policies in place to jive with their narrow minded beliefs.

this is america. we still repress full groups of people because some feel as though it is their place to judge what love is, to the point that rights are restricted. and yet, members of the lgbt community identify as republicans. the republicans want to restrict the rights that were hard fought for women. and yet, there are women who are republicans. how is it possible to look at this party and think "they are looking out for my best interest?" when they couldn't more blatantly be looking out for their wallet's best interest? they want to roll our country backwards, into the early 20th century where it was the best time to be a straight, white male. this should alarm the rest of us.

it would seem i have reached the end of my rant, mostly because i need to attend to some actual work now due to a series of cranky emails from my boss after four work days of silence on her end.

from the girl who will be a democrat until i die

until next time...

Thursday, February 3, 2011

"snowpocalypse" is a fancy word for "blizzard"

quite frankly, i find it to be perfectly amusing when the news gets the best of otherwise rational people. i suppose they aren't as rational as i give them credit for being if they can seriously think that a snow storm predicted to bring 12-20 inches of snow would be reason to go buy up a supply of bottled water, milk and bread for the next month. i mean, it is the 21st century. it's not like that amount of snow is going to have you home bound for a month. and good thing too because people were very upset (and vocal) about their upset that the state capitol canceled legislative sessions during this snowmageddon. call me crazy, but if all the news media is calling for the snow plop of the century, other wise rational human beings are buying up grapefruit like it is their only job and something like two thirds of the country is being effected by the same storm, it's fine with me that they and their staff get a snow day. so there was a storm and there was a snow day and much to the surprise of the flamboyant news reports, we are all still here to tell the tale. maybe next time, meteorologists. in the mean time, i will continue to be amused by the panic.

i'm not going to lie, i prepared myself for the storm. and by "prepare myself" i mean i bought some dessert, diet coke and braced myself for the call that work was going to be canceled. to be fair, i assumed work was canceled before we got the official word but there was simply no way that i was going to be attempting to drive with the other commuters. this gave me the perfect chance to do one of my favorite things: sleep in on a work day with no repercussions. i can't explain why this brings me so much joy but it does. if i was oprah, i'd give it away as one of my favorite things. sleeping in on a work day and sleeping til double digit hours. truly my definition of the best way to spend a morning.

i honestly don't have much else to say that is particularly appropriate for posting online. the work day is winding to an end and i felt compelled to say something about the snowpocalypse before it was no longer fresh on my mind. i'm sure with what is expected to be -10 degree wind chills through the coming days, i'll have plenty to complain about that isn't related to the heap of snow we got the other night.

from the girl who should probably relocate somewhere warmer

until next time...