when it comes to campaign finances, there are a lot of rules and regulations, in order to make sure everything is transparent and what not. this is my particular skill when it comes to campaign money probably because i am just crazy and compulsive enough to be good at following all of the rules. i blame it on my mother who was exceptionally strict in my youth; i had rules for rules and i have a bizarre need to the best at everything i do, so this is actually the perfect place for my crazy to come to manifest. anyway, one of these many rules is that after the close of books, any contribution over $200 has to be filed within 48 hours. so the report gets done by the people who do the reports for the mayor, gets emailed to me and i print it out. i am told that i need to go and deliver this to the clerk's office by 4:30pm. this is a simple assignment and should not be difficult in anyway. i have four copies of the report that i place in a folder (as not to destroy them before getting to the clerk's office) and i ask where the clerk's office is. i am laughed at by the finance director, because well, he tends to laugh at me when i ask where things are in detroit. he has some strange, unfounded belief that i should know where things are. i didn't even know that comerica park was around the corner from our office until a week before the election. i am obviously not well aware of where tihngs are in the city. anyway, he tells me how to get to the county building, which makes sense because mayoral candidates file their finances with the county. i head off to the county building, two turns out of my parking lot, arrive, find parking by a miracle of god and went inside at 3:45pm. i was semi-greeted by three men at the front desk, talking about something, not sure what but i can guarantee that it had nothing to do with work and i asked them where the clerk's office was. they asked which one. i thought, becuase i was in the county building, that would be an easy question but i need to remember that assuming things in detroit is what got the cops called on me so i clarified. they told me that i would need to the city building because that is where the county clerk's office is. oh sure, i should have thought of that on my own. so i ask where the city office is and they all stared at me like i was from another planet. i was told by the first one to make words that it was at 02 woodward, so to be sure i wasn't going to get lost i said, "you mean the building off jefferson with the spirit of detroit outside?" that was met with further looks that screamed "yes you dumb bitch." so i took my four reports and traveled down to 02 woodward to find the county clerk's office.
4:00pm: parking was a nightmare that close to the escape from the city and i was rapidly running out of time before the office closed and i would be screwed. so i give up and decide to park in a garage that is approximately 5 blocks away, which i know isn't far but seriously, would you want to walk around in detroit because i sure don't. i walk into the building and remember by way of the metal detectors that this is attached to the courthouse and i was going to have to go through security. i immediately started trying to figure out a way to get in with my phone because i wasn't walking back to leave it in the car and at the oakland county offices, you can't have your cell phone in the building if it has a camera. i decide to just try and play it cool and see how that works for me. i put my purse through the machine, i walk through no problem and then...
angry security lady: excuse me, miss, is that your purse? (at least she called me miss)
me: yes. (grabbing my purse off the security device)
asl: do you have an aersol can in your purse?
me: yes, i have hairspray in there. it's small enough to travel with on a plane.
asl: i'm sorry but you can not bring that in here with you.
me: are you bullshitting me? (yeah those were my exact words. this is why i don't make friends)
asl: no i'm not. you can't take that in with you. you can take it to your car, try and hide it outside or it is going to have to be thrown away.
me: now i know you are kidding me. i am parked too far away to make it there, back here and to the clerk's office before it closes. i have to drop off a finance report for the mayor. would you be willing to hold on to it right here and i will grab it on my way out? also could you tell me what floor the county clerk's office is on?
asl: second floor. well i am sorry but i can't hold it for you so you are either going to have to hide it outside or throw it away.
me: but that is like $15 hairspray. it's going to get stolen for sure if i leave it outside. throw it away i guess. (i almost cried)
asl: i'm pretty sure it will be fine outside but that is your decision. (i'm pretty sure she stole my hairspray rather than throw it away. bitch)
4:15pm, dangerously close to closing time. i run up to the second floor for the county clerk's office to my surprise it's not there. i asked where i could find the elections division of the clerk's office. so i'm told, the fifth floor. so i go running up to the fifth floor, 4:20pm and i am soundly freaking out at this point. i finally get to the clerk's office, turn in the report, look at the clock, 4:27pm. just in the nick of time. i realize at this point, i have yet to have had any caffeine at all for the day and i found a small coffee shop on the main floor. i walk in, pay and go to pump the coffee into the cup to find that it is empty (almost cried again.) i get my money back and walked past the angry security lady and out the door. it's raining, which is fantastic and i stand at the crosswalk waiting to cross the street to start the trek back to the car when some random guy starts talking to me.
random guy: hey do you have a lighter?
me: no, i'm sorry.
rg: what ar e you doing down here? you don't look like you are from around here.
me: i'm not from around here and i'm down here for work. i work for the mayor.
rg: you work for the mayor? that's pretty cool.
me: yeah. (waiting impatiently for the light to turn)
rg: are you into jazz? we should check out some jazz sometime downtown.
me: yeah, i don't think so. i have a boyfriend.
rg: that's too bad. i love asian girls.
me: umm, great.
from the girl who almost got hit by a bus to get away from a random guy hitting on her. until next time...
