There are few questions in my life that I'm completely incapable of answering. Usually I'm pretty good at coming up with something even when I feel not completely prepared, like earlier this week when I was on the radio and had to speak about President Obama's economic plan with a republican host. But there is one question in particular I have never been able to answer that is on my mind. Whether I've been asked in a job interview, by a political colleague or a friend I stumble around and say something vaguely intelligible (with the exception of speaking with a few very close friends where I will admit I have no answer.) And honestly, each time I throw out some answer I am always surprised by whatever it is that I've said. When asked where I see myself in five years, my mind goes blank and I immediately feel a sense of dread and something that I think is like failure. How can I have no idea? How can I have no goals? I've always viewed myself as a goal oriented person. Isn't that how most people declared "smart" or "leaders" during their educational career view themselves? Upon a closer life reflection of those years, I'm not entirely sold that I've ever actually been goal oriented which creates a whole different kind of confusion for me. I mean, sure I wanted good grades, I wanted to graduate college with a good degree, having made good friends and solid life experiences and I wanted to fall in love. After leaving college, I wanted a job that paid the bills that I was good at. Seems like pretty generic stuff to me and honestly how can I use that to really suggest that I have had goals I have worked hard for? Perhaps I should feel less stressed by this now given that it has always been the case but perception is reality right? So I always perceived myself this way and now I have no idea what I want for my life and my future. In the most general, generic way, I know what I want. I want a husband, a family, good friends and a job I love to do that I'm good at. Who that is, what job that is and how to get there is all a mystery. Perhaps, much like being an adult, knowing these things or being able to determine a clear path to achieving these things is a hoax. Everyone stumbles around and some how things come together. Perhaps it's magic or why people have religious beliefs.
As previously established, I like watching for patterns in behavior. I feel like it is the best way to really learn about people. Based on some of my observations I have been wondering about something that I feel compelled to share. Perhaps it is simply a symptom of being in your twenties or just the people I surround myself with or personality types but I think that there are stages that people go through with regards to their jobs. Stages that aren't entirely dissimilar to the stages of death and dying that Elizabeth Kübler-Ross made a relatively main stream idea. Below I will present a scenario of receiving a job followed by what I believe to be the stages of dissatisfaction and quitting.
First things first, everything goes right. You get a job that you have been looking forward to. Something that finally became available, a total career change or something you have worked hard for. You get it and everything is going just swimmingly. Time goes on, like it does, and that shine of the new job starts to fade. Things change and it's no longer as fulfilling as it was.
1. Denial. You deny that things are going differently or even badly in some cases. You try to justify that it's just a bad day, bad week, bad project. It will all be over soon enough and things will go back to normal.
2. Anger. You realize that despite your best efforts things aren't getting any better and are becoming frustrating. You get angry that no matter what you do, something is still wrong, things are still off and it causes you to be in a funk. An anger and frustration caused funk.
3. Bargaining. You can only continue to do this job if things change, if you get paid more, if your supervisor/colleagues respect you more as a coworker or you some how become re-engaged in the work that you are doing.
4. Depression. The very sad moment of realization that it's not going to get better and it's up to you to make a decision. Do you stay at this job that is clearly not fulfilling or do you cut your losses? Each day you arrive at work you think about leaving or take increased time off because you can't be there. It has become too much to bear.
And finally, 5. Acceptance. This is it. You are at peace with the fact that you can't keep coming to this job. It's time to quit. Now it's just a matter of finding a new job that hopefully is fulfilling, though at the moment the only thing that matters is that it pays. You are checked out and completely not interested in anything that is going on. It's all about getting out.
Now I'm sure that the prospect that work and dying can line up so easily is probably troubling but sometimes, a bad job kind of feels like you are slowly dying. Again, maybe it's just me and the people I've surrounded myself with that go through this. I like to think not though.
From the girl who just wants to know what she wants to be when she grows up.
Until next time...
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