anyway, i've been thinking about blogging a lot lately which usually doesn't translate into much, especially when there are so many other distractions during my little breaks between projects at work. jen is home for the summer which for some many reasons has me very happy. a lot of times she seems like my only girlfriend who is on the same page as me, which is refreshing. we had a chat the other day while walking around the mall parsing through a comment that two separate people have made to us. we apparently have both been told that perhaps we are the second wife type. which to both of us, came off as an insult (which seems obvious to me.) fortunately i was told this a while ago and have had time to wrap my mind around it and discuss it through with jeremy, as he was the one who told me this and insisted it wasn't an insult. i'm actually really curious how many people might react like jen and i did, even knowing that the people who were saying that would never say anything to intentionally hurt our feelings. that's not really here or there so it doesn't much matter.
during our walk around the mall, jen told me that n had shared that she thinks her boyfriend is "the one." i've always had a difficult time with this notion of "the one" because it seems mighty limiting to me and leaves you with a lot of opportunity to fail, an activity i have never been fond of. but as previously stated, n is a romantic who has developed her view of relationships and love mostly from the caricature of it in movies, tv and novels. jen asked n to explain what this felt like, as she explained that she doesn't believe she has ever felt that. it surprised me because i would have thought at least with her college boyfriend who she was with for nearly seven years, she would have felt that he was "the one" but apparently not. this got me thinking about this whole idea. i thought i found "the one" before and i like to think that i must have been wrong because otherwise we would still be together right? it's easy on a good day to think that's true. but the days when i'm in a funk and convinced i'm going to end up like dr. house... it's just dark and lonely.
so this concept is confusing to me. how can you ever be sure that you have found "the one?" is there just one person out there just for you? what happens if something horrible happens to them, like they drive their porche off a cliff going 140 mph and it bursts into flames and they die? is that it? are you out of chances after that? or is "the one" what you call someone when you want them to be the one? does it just mean that they are the one that you are with, ideally forever but in the event of unforeseen circumstances, you aren't left alone to become the cat lady? or, in an even more cynical light, is "the one" the title that you give to the person you want to convince yourself you should spend the rest of your life with?
when jen and i were talking about our friends and our singleness, we talked about what we thought needed to happen for both of us before we found our "one" (if there is such a thing.) whether there is a "one" or not, i think that this whole business, finding someone to be in a relationship with and have intelligent children and hang out with until you die can only be done properly if you know who you are. because it's not fair to ask someone to love you if you don't know who you are, right? i think that's why so many people get divorced; people are in a rush to get married and forget this important step of self-discovery. or perhaps fail to realize that self-discovery isn't actually selfish but rather necessary. i could go on but it seems unnecessary and it's time to get some things done to wrap up the day.
from the girl who is really looking forward to the weekend.
until next time...
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